I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
