I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
