hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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