your parents love me but you hate me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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