Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
