sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
