I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize