I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
