found the other keg... it's in the tree
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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