Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
