so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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