I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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