I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
