I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
