He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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