I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
