She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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