I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize