I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
