Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
