We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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