He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
