I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize