shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
