i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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