Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
