But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you never un-have a 4some
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
