i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
