Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
