Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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