I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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