maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
