Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
a search helicopter?!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
