I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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