forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
