wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
