Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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