We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
