covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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