It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
