God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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