He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Im part way to drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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