i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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