Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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