well I can't set my house on fire every night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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