bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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