Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize