plz talk dirty to me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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