So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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