MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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