very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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