That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
