He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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