Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
