there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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