'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
