So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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