So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
