Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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