Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
