Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
