He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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