Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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