I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
