also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
