New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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